So it's been a rollercoast that I never thought I would ride again. Being that I literally em too scared to get on rollercoasters. But what I'm talking about is this rollercoaster of life, and the life I've lived while knowing this person. My mom tells me certain people don't deserve more then a second chance because we could say I've given him more than plenty of second chances. But my heart always changes my mind. It tells me that I'm in love, tells me that I've never felt like this for anyone else, throughout it all the sun shines through my eyes at night. I'm so scared, incredibly, I don't know if he see's it and I don't know if others can see it. But I'm terrified of how happy I am in that part of my life cause we can say this summer wasn't the best summer when it came to Love. But I have FAITH, always. That this universe will give me what I deserve and what I have always given to those who I have loved and to those who I love. But I'm being patient anyway, taking it slow.
On another note, I was reading my sister's blog. SB! and while reading it I felt like I was reading my mind. It was scary, she's going through exactly what I'm going through, only different is that she got a puertorican...I mean a boyfriend :) and I'm so happy for her. But yea, I feel just like her. I don't want to be in school, I'm not sure if I'll get into the Graduate school I want to go to. I'm not sure I can do all the work it takes to not become just a teacher but become a GREAT teacher (yes, there is a difference). I just want to escape. and I will, but I can't right now. I feel like society has made us believe that we need to be in college for 4 years and force ourselves to take summer and winter classes, even though it costs extra money. But the world has showed us that if we don't graduate "on time" we are lazy, or irresponsible. I completely disagree with that. I'm taking my time, I haven't taken any summer classes yet, and I won't, I refuse to. My summer's are for me, so I can learn, not in a classroom. So I can read, a book that isn't assigned to me. So I can write, a paper that isn't due on a specific date. So I can live, and not be stuck in a class full of people that wanna "graduate on time" also. We need to
We are moving too fast, If I graduate "on time" I will be 21. I'm still so young and barely an adult why do I need to go to adulthood, get a real job and begin my career? oh no honey it's not going down that way. The way things are looking I probably will graduate in May of 2011 but trust that you won't see me for a while after that. I'm going to live in Brazil and Thailand for a year, then go to DR for a half a year. Then go off to graduate school somewhere that is NOT new york city. What if I have boyfriend? what if I have a good job? Well if I have a boyfriend, I would hope that he has great plans as well and if our love and commitment is strong enough it'll work, but I'm sure as hell no staying anywhere for "someone else". If I have job, whatever, life aint about money. And atlas my friends and family will always be there so I don't have to worry about that, trust.
I just hope my plans work out the way I want them too or better, and if there are obstacles, I hope I can get through them. Life is beautiful, I'm glad it is. I sometimes forget to remember that. Not anymore.
Back to schoolwork...practicing piano...and not sleeping...Ahhh to live!! :)
hope you all have big beautiful plans, some people in other places dream of having dreams like us. Live em!
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